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Post by Scott on Nov 17, 2009 16:05:54 GMT -5
I thought we should open up a new topic, since our old one had a lot of broken links and old pictures.
So if you've found anything funny or have some jokes, post em' here!
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Post by gerbiepiep on Nov 17, 2009 17:37:26 GMT -5
(Q)Anybody how you haul chickens on a flatbed?
(A)Nail their peckers to the floor
The Preachers v. Truckers In Heaven
Three preachers died and went to heaven. While waiting for St. Peter to let them in a SWIFT and J.B. HUNT driver show up and St. Peter makes the preachers step aside. This baffled the preachers so they asked. " We've been preaching the good word our whole life, and you make us step aside and let these truckers in before us?" St. Peter replied, "In their first year of driving they have scared "the hell" out of more people then you ever preached to."
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Post by Timmy on Nov 17, 2009 20:07:28 GMT -5
lmao, true that!
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Post by haulinman12 on Nov 20, 2009 19:44:58 GMT -5
a Trucker going down the road and sees a Orange Punpkin(schinder) truck on fire so he says Orange Pumpkin on fire at exit 119 another trucker says wtf u talin bout an Orange Pumpkin on fire the other trucker says Schinder u dipshit and the other driver says oh ok dipshit and if u watched axles vid u kno wat im talkin bout lol
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Post by Kenworthman on Nov 20, 2009 20:08:26 GMT -5
That didn't make any sense but funny I guess lol.
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Post by haulinman12 on Nov 21, 2009 7:16:43 GMT -5
watch axles I-77 video and you will kno wat im talkin bout
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Post by Timmy on Nov 21, 2009 20:07:15 GMT -5
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Post by gerbiepiep on Nov 22, 2009 4:41:26 GMT -5
The other day I was coming down look-out mountain and the road was a little icy and about at the bottom I passed a JB Hunt truck and I noticed the driver was standing up in his seat. Well I asked him what had happened and he said he started to slide and shit his pants on the way down. Well I said damn JB stop and change them and he said I can't I ain't finished yet.
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Post by haulinman12 on Nov 22, 2009 7:00:52 GMT -5
ha ha thats fuckin funny
ABC's of ex girlfriends A is for Arteries. You know, the things that your ex-girlfriend ripped out because she really didn't care for you you twit she was only after your money and could have given a shit about you.
B is for Bitter. Who, me?? No way. I really hope things between them do work out. I hope they get married and have 2 children that are little devils and her hips get huge and his eyebrows finally grow completely together and they get fat and old together and then DIE!!
C is for Call ya later.She won't. She never has before.
D is for Dumped. Does D need to be explained?
E is for Eating like a pig. Remember when you took her out and she said "I'm not hungry" so you figured you could take her to a nice place because you were able to afford a nice meal at this fine restaurant. Then she ate more than your Uncle Roy (you remember Uncle Roy the one with the mustard stains on everything). So you flip the bill and are broke for the next two weeks and she wonders why you were unable to call her that week and go see movies.
F is for Friends. That is what she just wants to be. As if you can even stand to look at her.
G is for Gun. And yes there is a waiting period.
H is for Horny. Remember when she looked nice and even had a personality? Well, you figure it out.
I stands for I still hate her. Odds are I always will, unless she calls me and offers me favors.
J stands for Jim. This is her new boyfriend. Doesn't Jim have a nice car ? Doesn't Jim have a good job? Why does Jim want to date her? I think Jim could do much better. I hate Jim. Jim is my mortal enemy.
K stands for Kill.
L is for Love. It's a great euphoric feeling that exists between two people and is shared upon by both parties.
L is also for Lunatic. Lunatics are crazy. Lunatics are the last people that actually believe in love.
M stands for Mephistophiles. That is who she worked for.
N stands for Necropheliac. She didn't move very much, did she?
O is for On top. When on top she has another O word.
P is for Pill. She said she was on it. She lied. She is now sueing you for a few hundred bucks a month.
Q is for Quitter. She couldn't last.
R is for Rich little Bitch. She bought my love but I paid for it.
S stands for Suffer. That's what she made me do.
T is for torture. Torture is what she did. She tortured you with the truth. She also tortured you with lies.
U is for Understatement. Saying you hate that bitch is an understatement.
V is for Voluptuous. That is the primamry reason you were dating her in the first place.
W stands for Whine. She was a pro at this.
X is for Xylophone. Because X is always for xylophone.
Y stands for You suck! Remember when she yelled that at you.
Z stands for ZIPPER. This is what you got your hair stuck in while trying to get dressed too quickly while she yelled "QUICK! They're home!"
. stands for period. Which is a couple of weeks late, because she lied to you about taking what P stands for. It also means you won't get any for a week.
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Post by gerbiepiep on Nov 22, 2009 13:16:04 GMT -5
Lol A JB driver was wandering around the truck stop scale in a panic. A Swift driver walks over and says what is wrong JB. The JB driver replies I am 2,500 lbs over gross and I only have to go 5 miles with it and there is a scale on the way. The Swift driver says well when you get up to the scale cut your lights off and coast on by. The JB driver replies thats a good idea so they part ways. the Swift driver is traveling down the road when he notices the JB driver pulled over by the DOT. The swift driver replies what happened JB the trick didn't work. The DOT replies no but it would have if it would have been night time...
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Post by haulinman12 on Dec 2, 2009 18:50:47 GMT -5
Lol Gerbie congratz on motm bro
Borrow The Truck
A white girl came up to her dad who was sitting in a beaten up armchair. "Pa, kin ah borrow the truck to-nahgt?" she asked. Her dad looked up to her and said, "Darlin', yew know what yew haf t'do if'n yew wants to borrer th' truck." "But Pa! Ah haf t'go naow!" the white girl cried. Her daddy stood up and unzipped his pants. "Yew know perfectly well what yew haf t'do. On yer knees, bitch!" The white girl complied and started sucking her dad's cock. After a few seconds she stopped in disgust and looked up to her dad. "Gee Pa, yore dick shore tastes like shit!" Her dad slapped his forhead and said, "Dammit, Ah forgot! Ah already loaned the truck to yer brother just a few minutes ago!"
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Post by gerbiepiep on Dec 3, 2009 4:52:29 GMT -5
Lol, thanks alhlover12. ;D
Truck driver and Lawyers:
A truck driver would amuse himself by running over lawyers. Whenever he saw a lawyer walking down the side of the road he would swerve to hit him, enjoy the load, satisfying "THUMP", and then swerve back onto the road.
One day, as the truck driver was driving along he saw a priest hitchhiking. He thought he would do a good turn and pulled the truck over.
He asked the priest, "Where are you going, Father?"
"I'm going to the church 5 miles down the road," replied the priest.
"No problem, Father! I'll give you a lift. Climb in the truck." The happy priest climbed into the passenger seat and the truck driver continued down the road.
Suddenly the truck driver saw a lawyer walking down the road and instinctively he swerved to hit him. But then he remembered there was a priest in the truck with him, so at the last minute he swerved back away, narrowly missing the lawyer.
However even though he was certain he missed the lawyer, he still heard a loud "THUD". Not understanding where the noise came from he glanced in his mirrors and when he didn't see anything, he turned to the priest and said, "I'm sorry Father. I almost hit that lawyer."
"I know", replied the priest. "Lucky I got him with the door!"
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Post by OffTrackProductions on Dec 10, 2009 21:52:09 GMT -5
lol, great one gerbiepiep. I love lawyer jokes.
Question: What's 1000 lawyers at the bottom of the sea?
Answer: A good start.
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Post by carlxb3 on Dec 11, 2009 1:42:22 GMT -5
how do you like this tractor and trailer. this is my boss picking up some bikes i loved it If you look close yes it is. its a little girls bike
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Post by haulinman12 on Dec 12, 2009 9:42:58 GMT -5
are you serious he ysed a bike to pick uo more bikes wow hes a stupid fucker
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Post by Alex on Dec 27, 2009 11:35:57 GMT -5
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Post by Bud on Jul 16, 2010 23:39:22 GMT -5
i saw a kid get smashed by a car today on his bike.......... it was rather funny XD
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Post by (SSoH) Trucker908 on Jul 19, 2010 15:41:44 GMT -5
heres a joke. SO you know how kids are with them saying my dads a firemen, mines a policeman, mines a mailman, so the teacher gets to a boy named bobby and asked him what does your dad do and he said my dads a exotic dancer and for $20 he will give u a lap dance and for $50 he will do it with u in the back lot. So the teacher gives them all work and says to bobby, is that what your dad really does and bobby said, no I didn't want to be laughed at because my dads a Cleveland Browns player.
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Post by smokey1984 on Jul 19, 2010 16:31:53 GMT -5
heres a very good joke a black baby was given a par of wings by god. the baby asked" does this mean i'm an angel" gods laughedand said n****r please you're a bat
another one baa baa black sheep has been banned in nurseries across the uk cus it might upset black children and has been replaced with nig nog golly wog give a coon a bone that black c**t just stole my phone
daft one i was hoping nigeria and germany was got to meet in the world cup so for the first time it would be in the corner of the tv NIG-GER
if it offends can admin remove
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Post by haulinman12 on Aug 3, 2010 20:17:09 GMT -5
thats funny i got some
Billy-Bob was walking into town one day wearing nothing but his gun and his boots. Just as he began walking down Main Street he was confronted by the Sheriff.
"Hey, Billy-Bob, ya mind if I ask you what you are doin' walkin' down Main Street wearin' nothin' but your gunbelt and boots?"
"Well Sheriff, it's a long story."
"I ain't going nowhere", said the Sheriff.
"Well Sheriff, a couple hours ago I ran into Mary Lou in the saloon. We had ourselves a couple of drinks and then we started to feelin' kinda frisky and Mary Lou said, 'Why don't we go out to the barn?' So we did. Then we started getting real close and cuddin' and smoochin' and Mary Lou said, 'Why don't we go out back and go up to the top of the hill.' So we did." He continued,
"We started cuddlin' and smoochin' some more and the next thing I know, Mary Lou had taken off all her clothes and she suggested that I do the same. So I did, all except my gunbelt and boots. then Mary Lou laid down on the ground and spread her legs apart and said
'Okay,Billy-Bob, go to town'.
LOL
A blonde and a brunette are running a ranch together in Louisiana. They decide they need a bull to mate with their cows to increase their herd. The brunette takes their life savings of $600 dollars and goes to Texas to buy a bull. She eventually meets with an old cowboy that will sell her a bull. "It's the only one I got for $599, take it or leave it."
She buys the bull and goes to the local telegram office and says, "I'd like to send a telegram to my friend in Louisiana that says: Have found the stud bull for our ranch, bring the trailer."
The man behind the counter tells her, "Telegrams to anywhere in the U.S. are $. 75 per word."
She thinks about it for a moment and decides. "I'd like to send one word, please."
"And what word would that be?" inquires the man.
"Comfortable," replies the brunette.
The man asks, "I'm sorry miss, but is your friend gonna understand this telegram?"
The brunette replies, "My friend is blonde and reads REAL slow, when she gets this, she will see COM-FOR-DA-BULL."
BLONDES
A man walks into a bar and says "Bartender gimme a triple shot of Jack". The bartender pours, and the man downs it, slams the glass on the bar and says "Another". The bartender pours another. The man downs it and says "Another".
As the bartender pours the third glass he says, "Mister you drink like you have a problem. Want to talk about it?"
The man says, "Ten years, ten years I've been married to my wife, and today I go home a little early to surprise her, and I find my best friend, MY BEST FRIEND, in bed having sex with her."
The bartender says "Geez, what did you say."
The man says " I told him, BAD DOG! BAD DOG!"
SEE WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU LEAVE YOUR WIFE AND DOG ALONE
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